It’s been over a week since I last wrote here, but what a week it was! I don’t believe I’ve ever had so many deep, challenging, and edifying conversations in a week before (or even come close)! Being able to simply be open and real with some many great people — incoming LVC volunteers and LVC staff — has already made this job worthwhile. Now that over 80% of the volunteers (and pretty much everyone I talked deeply with) are gone, I wanted to share some reflections and see where that takes me/us.
I don’t usually get all spiritual/religious on here, but that’s where a lot of my conversations led me, and it was amazing. In reference to my most recent post, I think that, for me, the foundation of my spiritual beliefs is the unquestionable truth of unconditional love. For me, when some law or rule inherently affects the ability of one to love, then there is something wrong with the rule. Building from the ground up, I start with love, and if that ever is taken away, then the rest no longer matters.
I guess the other thing that got me about my amazing conversations was being challenged daily to recognize and confirm to myself how much I still am wresting with in my spiritual identity. I had to think about the ways in which organized religion has stolen things from me but also why I feel having a common confession of some beliefs is important. I’ve been challenged to think exactly how my heart is able to reconcile ideas of pluralism with a Messiah Christ. And I’ve had to ponder how I am called to live out all that is spiritually true for me. It is no small task.
I also, quickly, wanted to share two moments that brought me to tears this morning. It might have been the built up lack of sleep from a long week, but when I started singing “I’m trading my sorrows… for the joy of the Lord” in the midst of a congregation, I just lost it. It was for me a confirmation of my soul’s knowledge of the truth of Christ, which then becomes a challenge for me to reconcile other pieces of my soul’s knowledge of truth with that idea.
The second moment wasn’t a break down but more of a tear of joy in my heart. There were two little boys in church, and one had borrowed a stuffed rabbit earlier in the service from the other. When the first boy returned the rabbit, the second acknowledged it in a non-verbal “thanks,” but then it my heart soared when he ran after him and gave him the most precious and heartfelt hug I have perhaps ever witnessed. Why can’t we all love like that any more?
(Church this morning, also in light of my conversations, also made me think of the truth for me of the creed I was reciting, and how interesting that Ben wrote something about creeds so recently? I’m happy for this journey.)