No, it’s not Christmas — that was a few months ago. I’m talking about Valentine’s Day. I think I’ve celebrated two V-Days with a “significant other,” but the majority of my 25 years I’ve been lacking a Valentine, which is quite alright, I suppose. I was telling someone that I’ve really not been thinking about it much until the past few days. I saw some nice hearts of chocolate in the grocery story a few days ago, and I remember seeing Valentine’s Day stuff going up about a month ago, but other than that, I think I’ve done a good job staying away from a very “Hallmark Holiday,” if there ever was one.
Well, I’ve done a pretty good job. I tend to run across a lot of personality and relationship tests this time of year, usually brought on by V-Day (OK, so some of them are made for women — but I did reconfirm I’m an INFJ), and I must say I’m a sucker for them. I think it’s the “born romantic” in me or something, I do find the idea of finding “true love” appealing, but as time goes by, I’m coming to believe less and less that this is that one “perfect person” out there for you, but rather there is something to be said for compatibility and attraction and finding out that you love someone with — or because of — their “faults,” and then making a conscious choice to love that person in a commitment to partnership for the rest of your life.
I’ve actually been thinking a lot lately about what I’m looking for in a “romantic companion,” and I’m realizing that as time goes by, the more that gets added to the “list” of what I’m looking for in a mate. I think, though, that it’s more that I have a longer list of specifics that I’d hope to find in a companion which the qualities and ideals I’m “searching for” (though I’m definitely not actively searching) have stayed the same. As a wise sage once told me when we were discussing the purchasing of engagement rings (much longer story in itself), “If you find the right girl, everything else will fall in to place.” At that point it was the idea of getting an engagement ring wouldn’t perpetuate the harming of the environment and violence associated with much jewelry; since then it’s become the idea of whether or not there would be an engagement ring at all.
And another thought regarding whether or not there might actually be someone out there compatible with me I heard in an episode of Sex and the City I saw in December (where they talk of the amazing movie The Way We Were — I need to buy that movie) which I was reminded of again after reading The Katie Girl Project website. At the end of the episode entitled, “Ex and the City,” Carries says: “Maybe some women aren’t meant to be tamed. Maybe they need to run free until they find someone just as wild to run with.” Now I’m guessing Ellie and maybe other women out there will take some offense to me, as a male, laying claim to these very feminist words, but I feel like as one who will be running wild the rest of my life and need someone (if there is to be someone) who wants to run wild, too. I’m looking for a Partner In Crime (PIC) who will challenge me and intrigue me and make me love things about them I thought I hated.
Will I ever have a PIC? Perhaps it’s still too early to tell. I’m not even 26 yet, and as my mom said this past Sunday, I need to stop long enough for anything to happen anyway. But maybe the point is to just keep on running wild, and if it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be.
Happy Valentine’s Day!
(And on a side note, aside from the romance quizzes so easily found this time of year, there are also plenty of “romance” articles published, and I found this “helpful hints” guide for “8 Surprising Turn-Ons for Men” quite interesting. From wearing a baseball cap and rolled up boxers to showing a man that you “need” him some of the time, it was quite the article. It appears to have been written by a man, and a sexist man at that. There are over 3,000 comments on the article, which (at least the ones I read) were interesting and entertaining as well. I’d guess my advice would be to be yourself, and if that’s not enough of a turn-on, then too damn bad.)